The Contract

This is a social contract between author and reader. Henceforth, I am no longer responsible for anything you experience here. Know that by entering, you are stepping into the pornographic theater of my soul. This is my space for spiritual and mental exhibitionism. If you come in here, and feel as if you are a parent who has walked in on their child masturbating, know that I have already put a sign up on the door saying, “I AM MASTURBATING, TAKE A PEEK IF YOU WANT.”

That is not to say that this site is full of sexual content - not to say that there’s none. But there is plenty of obscenity - this is my place to share every thought that pops into my head, the ones you always withhold in casual conversation because they are simply not appropriate to the circumstance. I would go as far as to say as it would be morally wrong to simply impose them on a conversation. Not only because they are inappropriate, but also because they are convoluted and boring. You know the guy who interjects to try and articulate their idea, stumbles through an incoherent web of associations for five minutes after finally going, “yeah, it’s kinda complicated, I can’t really go into the whole thing right now, it would take a while,” and then doesn’t even have the decency to apologize. This is more offensive than cracking some vulgar little joke. You have stolen five minutes of their life from them. You have squandered their precious time on this Earth. But by coming here and clicking the links, you choose to squander your own time. You have no one to blame but yourself. I am not responsible for your poor decisions, so don’t try to contact me saying, “how dare you write this, how dare you rape my eyes with this obscenity?”

You are the one who looked at the link and felt intrigued, and then clicked on it. I can’t tell you exactly what is waiting for you behind the link without just telling you the whole thing. I am trying my best NOT to deceive you, when it comes to the relationship between title and content. I try my best to choose titles which evoke the essence of the text - I’m not trying to ensnare you by giving it a title that gives you no context as to what it’s about and then exposing you to some obscene image. (WARNING: it is your choice to continue reading the next sentence.) Like, for example, an article titled, “10 of the most ADORABLE Chihuahuas you will ever see!” and when you click on it an image of a filthy obese man in an old barn sucking a horses cock immediately loads at the top of the screen. I would certainly be responsible for misleading you in such a way.

But I won’t do that here. You consent to what you see knowing that I have done my best to inform you of what is waiting for you. And perhaps you will even feel violated by the titles themselves. But what am I supposed to do??? How can I warn you without giving the content a title? So if you don’t want to read the titles of the content, if you feel that you might be violated even by this imposition, do NOT click on any of the section headers, where the list of titles are waiting for you.

There. I have done my best to establish a totally fair, clearly articulated social contract between author and reader. By proceeding you are consenting that I am henceforth cleared of all culpability for what you are about to experience. You are now free to indulge yourself. Just know that you are stepping into Satan’s lair. Lucifer’s sanctum. I am the antichrist. But, if you think about it, the antichrist is supposed to be deceptive, posing as an authentic authority, pulling the strings behind the scenes. But here I am, being totally honest, telling you exactly what I am doing. So, therefore, I cannot be the antichrist. I am just some self important asshole. I am like a guy who puts up a projector and tries to scare you with shadow puppets. I am making a big deal out of nothing. You have no reason to fear the deformed duck I have created by smushing my fingers together funny. My pitchfork is just me holding up three fingers. You are a big boy or girl, you can smell bullshit when you see it. Have no fear. God will shield you from my corrupting influence.

As Dante would have said, the only way out is through. The only way to Heaven is venturing through the frozen tundra of the ninth circle Hell, climbing down Satan’s leg, right past his massive dong, where Geryon is waiting to deliver you. I am your demented Virgil. I am your demon and your guide through Hell rolled into one. But not really, I’m just a guy putting his thoughts out there. Hope you enjoy the ride. I hope you make it to paradise, or at least purgatory. Actually, I think its best to be somewhere in the middle. I like it right here.